Starvation

from Unreleased by Ethel Cain

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lyrics

six weeks since we last ate
six weeks we’ve been taught
six weeks the phone’s been ringing
and now the sheriff’s at the door

at two weeks my insides screamed
i was coughing up blood by three
by four my father couldn’t take it
and hung himself in the yard from the oak tree

my mother said be patient
it’s what god said to her
get down on your knees and pray with me
you won’t get blessings you don’t deserve

see how long
see how far
a little will go
jesus christ, he loves me
this i know

the bedsheets stained with my sister’s waste
my brother’s eyes crusted shut
the dogs stopped crying weeks ago
with my hands digging deep inside their guts

i ache all over
i can’t get clean
my bones start to bend inside of me
but god forbid i question what he asks me to do
i just hope he gets here soon

see how long
see how far
a little will go
jesus christ, he loves me
this i know

i hold my mother she won’t hold me back
they cut down my father and his broken neck
they found the baby in a dirty cloth upstairs
while my brother and my sister just rot
one takes me in his arms and then he runs outside
but they are too late now, i’m already in the light
i’m the only one jesus comes to take
as he takes my hand and i waste away

credits

from Unreleased, released February 28, 2020

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Ethel Cain Tallahassee, Florida

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